Excerpts from Puppets on strings

A friend once said that writing books is like crossing stepping-stones. It is a journey of honoring what has transpired. This is my fourth book and the purpose of this book is very clear: to put to rest events that happened to me and to newfound friends.

I am the one with the ability as an author to speak the truth and to inform those who are blinded by a big-mouth film director offering them riches and roles in fantasy films that occur in his mind. (He has produced a few B grade films.)

As in the case with all my books, names will be changed. Usually it is to protect my friends; in this case it is clearly to avoid legal disputes.

To fill in for those of you who don’t know me: first of all, I am honest. I am of sound mind. I am extremely creative and as you can see, not exactly shy.

As a citizen of the world there are no blemishes to my name. I trust it will remain that way.

       My life path has included being a dental hygienist and lecturing to dentists. I am an artist, a writer and an international healer.

I have made a short film as well as helping to make a documentary.

  The events leading up to this book began about three years ago. I had just discovered the film world and was so intrigued and excited by it. Someone had pointed out that I was a natural actress - it had never occurred to me, even though I had created a healing module ‘living art, living theatre.’

As it turned out, I did love acting and I played in a short film. The seed was sown and I was thrilled with this new medium.

At this time, I received an email through a reputable spiritual Internet magazine, a casting call for actors and actresses.

As I trusted this magazine (note to self; ‘clean those rose-colored glasses’) I responded to the call.

 A wise woman I recently met said the internet is like a spiritual web letting many like-minded people meet.

It is also a fertile place for evil people to snare their victims. These evil people do not feel the effects of their crimes, as the victims feel the guilt and trauma on their behalf.

I was one of those lured to the game of evil people. I do not now nor ever see myself as a victim.

Excerpts from Puppets on strings

A friend once said that writing books is like crossing stepping-stones. It is a journey of honoring what has transpired. This is my fourth book and the purpose of this book is very clear: to put to rest events that happened to me and to newfound friends.

I am the one with the ability as an author to speak the truth and to inform those who are blinded by a big-mouth film director offering them riches and roles in fantasy films that occur in his mind. (He has produced a few B grade films.)

As in the case with all my books, names will be changed. Usually it is to protect my friends; in this case it is clearly to avoid legal disputes.

To fill in for those of you who don’t know me: first of all, I am honest. I am of sound mind. I am extremely creative and as you can see, not exactly shy.

As a citizen of the world there are no blemishes to my name. I trust it will remain that way.

       My life path has included being a dental hygienist and lecturing to dentists. I am an artist, a writer and an international healer.

I have made a short film as well as helping to make a documentary.

  The events leading up to this book began about three years ago. I had just discovered the film world and was so intrigued and excited by it. Someone had pointed out that I was a natural actress - it had never occurred to me, even though I had created a healing module ‘living art, living theatre.’

As it turned out, I did love acting and I played in a short film. The seed was sown and I was thrilled with this new medium.

At this time, I received an email through a reputable spiritual Internet magazine, a casting call for actors and actresses.

As I trusted this magazine (note to self; ‘clean those rose-colored glasses’) I responded to the call.

 A wise woman I recently met said the internet is like a spiritual web letting many like-minded people meet.

It is also a fertile place for evil people to snare their victims. These evil people do not feel the effects of their crimes, as the victims feel the guilt and trauma on their behalf.

I was one of those lured to the game of evil people. I do not now nor ever see myself as a victim.

excerpts from puppets on strings

A friend once said that writing books is like crossing stepping-stones. It is a journey of honoring what has transpired. This is my fourth book and the purpose of this book is very clear: to put to rest events that happened to me and to newfound friends.

I am the one with the ability as an author to speak the truth and to inform those who are blinded by a big-mouth film director offering them riches and roles in fantasy films that occur in his mind. (He has produced a few B grade films.)

As in the case with all my books, names will be changed. Usually it is to protect my friends; in this case it is clearly to avoid legal disputes.

To fill in for those of you who don’t know me: first of all, I am honest. I am of sound mind. I am extremely creative and as you can see, not exactly shy.

As a citizen of the world there are no blemishes to my name. I trust it will remain that way.

       My life path has included being a dental hygienist and lecturing to dentists. I am an artist, a writer and an international healer.

I have made a short film as well as helping to make a documentary.

  The events leading up to this book began about three years ago. I had just discovered the film world and was so intrigued and excited by it. Someone had pointed out that I was a natural actress - it had never occurred to me, even though I had created a healing module ‘living art, living theatre.’

As it turned out, I did love acting and I played in a short film. The seed was sown and I was thrilled with this new medium.

At this time, I received an email through a reputable spiritual Internet magazine, a casting call for actors and actresses.

As I trusted this magazine (note to self; ‘clean those rose-colored glasses’) I responded to the call.

 A wise woman I recently met said the internet is like a spiritual web letting many like-minded people meet.

It is also a fertile place for evil people to snare their victims. These evil people do not feel the effects of their crimes, as the victims feel the guilt and trauma on their behalf.

I was one of those lured to the game of evil people. I do not now nor ever see myself as a victim.

excerpts from puppets on strings

A friend once said that writing books is like crossing stepping-stones. It is a journey of honoring what has transpired. This is my fourth book and the purpose of this book is very clear: to put to rest events that happened to me and to newfound friends.

I am the one with the ability as an author to speak the truth and to inform those who are blinded by a big-mouth film director offering them riches and roles in fantasy films that occur in his mind. (He has produced a few B grade films.)

As in the case with all my books, names will be changed. Usually it is to protect my friends; in this case it is clearly to avoid legal disputes.

To fill in for those of you who don’t know me: first of all, I am honest. I am of sound mind. I am extremely creative and as you can see, not exactly shy.

As a citizen of the world there are no blemishes to my name. I trust it will remain that way.

       My life path has included being a dental hygienist and lecturing to dentists. I am an artist, a writer and an international healer.

I have made a short film as well as helping to make a documentary.

  The events leading up to this book began about three years ago. I had just discovered the film world and was so intrigued and excited by it. Someone had pointed out that I was a natural actress - it had never occurred to me, even though I had created a healing module ‘living art, living theatre.’

As it turned out, I did love acting and I played in a short film. The seed was sown and I was thrilled with this new medium.

At this time, I received an email through a reputable spiritual Internet magazine, a casting call for actors and actresses.

As I trusted this magazine (note to self; ‘clean those rose-colored glasses’) I responded to the call.

 A wise woman I recently met said the internet is like a spiritual web letting many like-minded people meet.

It is also a fertile place for evil people to snare their victims. These evil people do not feel the effects of their crimes, as the victims feel the guilt and trauma on their behalf.

I was one of those lured to the game of evil people. I do not now nor ever see myself as a victim.

Puppets on Strings

I am very happy to let you know the book is now available.

It has been a very strong journey and hopefully all who read it will get something positive out of it, even though it was a tough journey healing does happen.

Enjoy the read

ebook

http://www.amazon.com/Puppets-on-Strings-ebook/dp/B009Q5FI9I/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1350165236&sr=8-2&keywords=puppets+on+strings

paperback

https://www.createspace.com/4026212

Book arriving soon

Just first of all to thank  so many of you for stopping by my page  and finding out the truth of events that took place in Romania recently.

My book Puppets on Strings will be published very soon and gives the full truth behind  the Brasov failed film festival as well as an insight in the abuse that the students had to put up with.

It will be available through Amazon and i will keep you all informed here.

Live life passionatly and in truth. Lies will be cleared out and brought to light,

www.leeorahhursky.com

The courage of truth

I have just walked through a pit of raging lies. And to stand my ground in truth and to fight for truth does take courage. And so many slinked away when I  was being accused of such rubbish. It was interesting to see who had the strength of character to hang in there with me.Who was still holding onto the fantasy of been given a leading role and for that abandoning honest people.   The ones who hung in there with me are also the one who will stand for truth.

And the game of lies is not a new one to the cowards who are playing it and then bullying everyone else around. 

Why did I take the stand to speak up and be the vocal one. For being the vocal one I was also the one who had the rubbish aimed at me. 

As I am innocent I have no fear. I did it for myself as well as for the young girls present whose bodies were being violated. I was the older one of the group present and  I would not want my daughters to be treated in such a way . 

I am really making a stand now and for future for all actresses and actors not to put up with the casting couch scenario. We need to know our worth for what it is and not because of some slimy creature wanting to show his power. 

I will continue to write up and speak up for truth. The film industry can have people of integrity , its a pity the first lot I met were lacking that quality.

Truth will win when the people have the courage to stand up for it. 

The power of rage

Rage is like a wild fire burning through dead bushes.
I know the power of the Australian bush fires wiping out and cleaning out the old.

My rage was triggered by abuse and lies and deception. I  moved in fast and swift. In its path those that lied resort to more bullying tactics.

My rage is a healthy one  It moves and it shifts and it cleans. It makes one stop and look at what is being cleaned out.

And where can you hide form such a rage. The flames are up . The power is up. The truth cleans out all that hides behind lies.

And why to lie?To blow up what is not? To hide from what?To avoid  what?

My rage is a cleanser. I am not afraid of my rage. Others can be as truth burns through lies.

My rage cleared out and cleansed out that the new buds can grow.

My rage is the rage of truth . Ride it to the core of what is hidden.

And new buds will emerge.

Rage unleashed through creativity is the way forward.

The lies continue

an excerpt from the book I will post up soon:

Another part of the invitation to be trained as an actress was to attend the great film festival that Snaky and Slimy would put on. One of the top best film festivals in the world.

The great film festival that they organized was the greatest flop of all film festivals.

First of all none of the town folk would come as they had experienced his tirades, or drunkenness or just general rudeness.

A man of etiquette he is not.

Here we were, his motley team, begging people to please come to the film festival. Even though it was free no one would come.

Then there were the times when the films would not work and people would sit politely for an hour with no announcement of what was up.

On one such occasion they finally substituted a film of a producer who had flown in to be there. The quality of the screen was of such poor standard that the producer had to leave. When I suggested he apologize to her he accused me of having such weird ideas. At that point a friend of mine who was thinking of investing in them saw his true colors and fortunately did not invest.

I know as an investor I will never see a penny of my investment.

Of course if they are so moral and open as they claim to be, who knows, pigs might fly.

In the meantime they are folding one company, into another, into another into another. The shares on the stock market have been suspended. You get my point. 

A man who believes he is G-d and can stuff everyone over.

The saddest part of this failed film festival is that the best film, by an Italian director who was present, was voted by the remaining jurors, was over ridden by him so that his name could be linked to well known stars and directors. I question if he even saw the last film as he made a point of never being in the theatre when films were screened. That was the role of the students to add 8 places to the empty theatre. How was he to know that his own festival was flopping in front of him? Is that what allows him the arrogance to notify the world of the wonderful film festival he put on? Maybe that is why he continues to release press releases that are blatant lies.

You may be wondering here about fired jurors. Well to start one walked out, three were fired which now left him alone. He then chose one very fragile individual to be a juror and the final one he chose walked out on him.

Now can this be called a fair and honest film festival?

No one present.

A whole jury expelled

Final vote by one person.

Of the fired jurors two became good friends of mine. One was a very well known award-winning producer from LA who paid her own way there. The other came from Italy and she too was enticed by their cause of non-violence. Their cause is great.

Every single person who was there from the fired jurors to the core group experienced directly his rage and his continuation of lies and exploitation.  Most of them worked tirelessly for him with no pay. In my language that is called slave labor.  People gave up paid working positions to work with them with the promise of at least food being paid for. There was no allowance for anyone. Many have gone into debt thanks to these two.

Their cause is a noble one and had the creators sorted out their own violence that they are harboring inside, as well as their own stories of abuse, things might have worked out differently. 

In order to better the world I do believe film is a very powerful medium. However if the creators of the films are so violent and maniacal what harm are they doing to the cast and crew.

Yes it is said that in the film world the casting couch scenario is true, actors /actresses working for free. It is enough of this behavior.

I am extremely happy to meet producers who have the courage to fire directors. May there be more of them in this field.

I write this that the world should know about the behind scenes of one out of control director and his great sidekick.

The cause of non-violence can only be expressed when one has confronted the dog that has bitten you. Until one faces that dog one will treat the world from the viewpoint of the dog still attached to the leg and lack common human politeness and awareness.

They are destroying young peoples lives.

Scam artist

This category of course covers many different scam artists but what I am sharing here is my own personal experience and the workings of the scam artists mind.

Step 1. Befriend your victim. I tell you I became their best friend.With long conversations of love with each conversation. I was their best love, the one who would be the best in the field.

Step 2. Know what is going to hook your victim: Oh bless these scammers they new exactly what carrot to dangle in my face with offers of art exhibitions in Monaco. There was even one phone call where they offered to make a film of my life. It is a great life and it will make a great film however not with these scammers.

Of course in the film world, to most of the others it was to be a famous actor. And believe me there are still those who are hanging in with the scent of fame being wafted in front of their noses. Of course they will have to once again fund their way there and pay for the others living expenses.

Step 3 . Reel them in. Here starts the fun for the scammers . Great big fish on the end of their line and they are reeling in.
I can say I was one big fish. There were other big fish who had also to be disposed of quickly as of course how could scammer have his say with intelligent personalities present.

Step 4: Make sure your big fish are under your control. Best to have them in one area where surveillance can better work.

Step 5: Start the mind games by bullying. And of course playing everyone off against each other.

Step 6 : The step of desperation: Money was ever so tight for the scammers so not only asking everyone  present for money they resorted to more bullying tactics by actually asking everyone what their net worth was. Sorry this big fish spotted the games straight up. And told scammer to back off.


Step 7: Start a smear campaign against your fish. The bigger the fish the more words one will need to look for, phrases like mentally deranged and nymphomaniac, were the best words he could use against me. Of course great for sales of NAKED SOUL .

http://www.amazon.com/Naked-Soul-ebook/dp/B003WUY4BQ/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1344673186&sr=8-4&keywords=leeorah+hursky


Step 7 : For the one who has been reeled in there are many ways to get back your power. Mine will be through truth and I will be publishing a book very very soon free of charge to whoever wants it.

A footnote here. I was the one hosting tea parties instead of being used as free labour. One of the comments scam artist made is so rich it needs to be expressed here. One of his fragile followers came to one of my tea parties. He said if she committed suicide it would be my fault as she came to have tea with me. Go figure how does his mind work?????? Choose a crew of fragile people and make a film called Suicide???????


The world is full of opportunists and many vulnerable people . We need to all wake up and send them where they need to go. I am sure once the law catches up with them they will have plenty time to read all my books.

For those reading these blogs all events are true.

www.leeorahhursky.com
www.emotionalfat.com

Power of truth

I had to laugh recently when the   director resorted to more  lies to protect his name. His aim now was to make at least 20 members who witnessed his techniques of bullying and lying to be the bad ones. How much intelligence does one need to see who is at fault here? You fire all your film jurors  whilst telling the world of the great film festival that  no one attended.

The people of this cute little town had experienced first hand the bully in action.
It is so strange to write of an adult bully. And one who is drunk all the time.
How clear is vision when alcohol is consumed all day.

The biggest insult he can come up with is that all who he had hired (with no pay)  are whores, nymphomaniacs and mentally deranged oh, and dont let me forget, after money or are suffering from jealousy. That is a bit rich for someone who is up on sexual abuse charges.

Not only does he call them whores but also liars.

And even more surprising is how he is duping more people to join his little band, is being on screen so enticing  that all personal integrity flies out of the window.

Or heaven forbid he is feeding them the same mind altering drugs he is on.

Truth will always shine through the dark nonsense. Karma will be balanced.
And I will continue to talk up, how lucky to be a writer who can publish books at the push of a button.

www.leeorahhursky.com
www.emotionalfat.com

Abuse

First of all apologies to those of you who do read my blogs I have been travelling for the past few months .

I know the title is a strong one but one that needs to be spoken about.

I had been abused as a child and I do believe the fat was there as a protection. Some how the child believed if I am fat and ugly everyone will leave me alone.
I also believed I had dealt with my abuse issues and did not have to have abuse in my life anymore. I also failed to see when I was verbally abusive to others.

But it seems there is some element in me that still called it up.

Recently on my travels I went to be trained as an actress at the ripe old age of 57. I was confident and ready for the big screen.

The only problem was that the director was a drunk who was so verbally abusive it made grown men tremble. I was the first one on the workshop to cop his abuse. A tirade that was directed at me that at first I thought 'what is wrong with this man?' Eventually he did have me in tears. I kept telling him I have no fat to protect me back off. But he would not. I survived that attack and then wrote to him never to talk to me like that again.

However it was not enough for him. He did come back with more bullying and attacking. Now I was learning. This time when he attacked me I stood my ground and said STOP. One word that no one had told him ever in his life. He was a director and ready to throw his weight around on everyone.
In fact on the course the fist thing he told us is that a film director is like G-d . I should have left at that point.

I did not . I stuck the course out despite his drunken tirades and finally on the last night I told him what I thought of him. A drunken old man who misuses girls who  are already  confused in life. I have to tell you, to actually express my disgust to him was wonderful

I have been asked why did I stay on and not leave after the first tirade. I am a sticker and it did feel right to be there. So I stuck it out.

I did however meet amazing people and because I was in rebellion from the beginning ignored his attempts to block us from meeting the locals and seeing the town.

Lets hope that this strong lesson that I went through has served its purpose that I do not need to take abuse or give abuse.

I really hope that my lesson is learnt

And will I act on big screen? Who knows, certainly not with that director, but there are others who have asked me to be in their films. I do believe I will be a great actress as I am able to "enter " anothers story due to the abilities as a healer.

My voice as an actress is going to be one of truth , even if I am to play the 'bad ' it will be from a place of authenticity

I sincerely hope that there are some decent directors out there. And that these are the ones I will work with.

www.emotionalfat.com

The fat mind

The fat head persists. It is scary as I am no longer fat but the thoughts have been fat for so long. . The fat head is the final ending of a lifetime of being fat.
Fat has been my armadello outift the thorns of a hedgehog the spikes to keep people away. Even though I am a highly sociable person there is still a wall to intimacy of the true kind . Where my heart is touched, where the vulnerable me can exist. That part was hidden behind the shield. It is as this shield falls away I get to see more of my own vulnerability. Not anymore the big fat woman who jokes all the time. It is a time of getting to know myself anew.
Wonderful and scary at the same time.
Wonderful as in the fact that what I  used to swallow energetically is now NO more. I do not need to swallow peoples bagagge to make them feel good.
And as I become a thin person I notice that old friends are falling away. Was I their fat friend to make them feel good. It doesnt work anymore

.Have you noticed how fat people tend to stick together. I was there too.

I was starving myself fat. And that starvation could also been seen on an intimate level. Although there were people close it was the true intimacy that was missing.NowI am feeding myself thin. And in doing so I hope that the ability for true intimacy awakens as well.

I also know many fat people are in the same position . On an energetic  and emotional level receiving crumbs yet craving true love.

For more of emotional bagagge  and feeding youreself thin see my book

www.emotionalfat.com

Travelling light

Yes I am actaully on the road again , this time flying over 20 kilos lighter in body weight. How great it was to sit  on the plane and not stress that the seat belt would be too tight, My main aim now is to at least not put on weight and to carry on excersisng and eating like a normal person. One day this will come when I  will not even have to think about food and accept it like everyone else does. Where food is for my enjoyment and nourishment and not a tool of punishment.

The layers continue to be unravelled of what my fat has hidden: from punishment through to the latest uncovering of guilt.
Such complexity we all carry.

And this travel journey has taken me so far to London and now in Germany before going to a dance holiday in Italy which is a treat to myself for loosing this weight to dance lightly oh what fun awaits me.

For my book see

www.emotionalfat.com

TOO MUCH

Yes I was too fat, too loud, to creative, to in your face, to mad. You name it and I have been called it.
What in reality was too much was the  amount of guilt and hurt the little girl was carrying.

The thing is that I am a big being. Larger than life. Except I had translated that larger than life into the physical body and was then just plain and simple fat.

All the guilt and pain was all nicely packaged and hidden out of sight. All that you got to see was the fat.


Now that the fat is nearly all gone , I am left with  the exposed bits of me. The guilt and the hurts with no fat to blame for it. It is so easy to blame fat for being the problem in life. It is only the tip of the iceberg.

I am brave enough now to deal with it and with open arms welcome my internal victim, my external bully, my internal shame, my external pusher,my external bitch, my internal hurting child, my external successful one, the internal shy one.


All of this makes me up as the bigger than life woman I am .
With grace I carry this forward and give thanks for such a big life .


I share more of this in my book Emotional Fat. www.emotionalfat.com

Saying NO

And I don't mean to food.

As a previously fat person I am fully aware how I needed to please people. What with not feeling good about myself and seeking those little crumbs of affection I would be a people pleaser. Looking to satisfy others and not caring for myself.
There was an incident I remember where a friends husband was so blatantly rude to me. Most times I took the rudeness and was equally rude in my ways. This time I had the courage to say NO. No you don't speak to me like that. It was a big turning point in my life. To stand up to what was not right.

So much is swallowed as a fat person . And this I mean on an energy level. The shame , the rudeness. the disgust, the hate, the resentment. I know I learned this as a child. I write about it extensively in my book Emotional Fat.


Now my journey out of that behavior is to keep uncovering what holds onto the  old patterns.
Old patterns or learned ways keep replaying .They play from the subconscious mind which really makes it so much harder to clear it. My work has always been to uncover the hidden roots and causes of imbalances.

These imbalances can play out in many different ways. Mine was to numb myself by eating, to swallow emotions and to get fatter.

Other people can play these patterns out in different ways. A client of mine suffered from procrastination. Everything was open for a change in is life. Yet he could not move forward. All that presented were excuses.

In seeking to uncover what was holding him back was a core belief that if he succeeded his mother would not love him. This came about as she had had a shock at birth .He came into life with great qualities yet the shock was holding him back. In order for him to move forward he needed to see the shock that he was protecting his mother from. He was being kept in a state of limbo holding onto the shock , believing he was protecting his mother by holding this shock, so that she should not feel it and keeping himself trapped in this state. By using akalani (to understand it check out www.akalani.com ) he could understand that this state of limbo was to keep his mum alive, or so the child believed. As his adult brain could realize this trap he could ask that the shock be handed over to the angels and that he could then move forward.

We all have subconscious patterns running our lives. As they are released so the healing can take place

To see my book check out:

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=leeorah+hursky&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Aleeorah+hursky&ajr=0

Fat women can dance

Even when I was fat I loved to dance. I loved to wriggle that great big body of mine. Now 20 kilos lighter its a bigger joy than ever. I don't know how  I had the gumption to move that big body of mine. It was inside this deep yearning to dance. I am sure had I not been fat this life I would have been a pole dancer. Its not too late I hear you say, but wait I have found the perfect dance. I desired a dance that was sensuous that did not involve spinning.Yes I can salsa, but not like those lightweight girls who can multiple spin. Yes I have other multiple abilities it just is not spinning.
 I desired a dance that allowed my sensuality to flow , to be with a partner who was not a pole and to let it all hang out. I have found that in Kizomba. I have only had three lessons and was hooked from lesson one. Now on my about to be European tour I am thinking of having a detour ( from actual working) to go to dance in Edinburgh. 
The joy that dance brings to me an ex fat now 57 year old woman who believes she is 25 on the dance floor far outweighs any obstacles.

So if you are reading this and are fat go for it . Dance your heart out .

Dance on sisters ( and if there are any brothers reading this to you to)

Fat Attitude

At my fattest I was like a bull in a china shop. It was not as though you couldn't see me it was then even in my attitude. NOTICE ME. It was screaming from every cell of my body.

I was in your face. I was full on . I was BIG. It has taken me time to see what is my bigness and it does not have to be my ex- obese body. I am a bigger than life kind of gal ( well older woman if you must).

I do things in a big way in a fast way in a in your face way. Nothing small in my actions or being.
In one year I had 5 art exhibitions as well as writing a book- Emotional Fat.

The previous book was written over a period of time. In fact even getting the name of the last book - Naked Soul took longer than actually writing the book. Emotional Fat was written over 5 days. The editing etc took longer than the writing of the book.


When my bigness is used in creative ways it is certainly healthier on my body.  Eating chocolates is one of the ways I squash everything down. Hide it all. Numb it all.
And when I am not creating then what. It is the pause time. The pause button is on again. Hence I have the time for writing blogs.

Also being so big in action when the pause button is on there can be a time of frustration and I have to relax into it. I know the next big thing will be presenting itself and yes I will be going in full on. I still have  the bull in china shop energy just not the big body to go with it.

I get shy now if people call me thin,. I am still not at goal so still can be hard on myself. The fat head wants to berate me all the time. A lifetime of berating myself . A habit that is taking time to break. It is so destructive to be negative on myself and of course on others all the time. The voice of putting myself down constantly. The voice that came in as a child when others thought me fat. As a sensitive person I took on these thoughts as my own and of course they then eventually became my own and now it is taking time to reverse the fat thoughts. the thoughts of berating myself .  I was fat in the head before the body now my head needs to know I am thin.

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=leeorah+hursky 

Fat is not a swear word

How often has someone called one fat as an insult. It is so rude.This is what society has created. That the fat person should laugh it off. Fat people also have feelings sometimes they are so deeply  covered up. As a previously fat person I only know it too well. I constantly now have to remind myself I am a previously fat person and am now thin, as I have thought fat all my life.

For a person who has never been fat its hard to understand being fat. It was my head that was fat even before the body got fat. That the head constantly thinks fat, it is taking longer for my head to catch up that I am NOT FAT anymore. I am a slim person.


I am stil so convinced that the fat is related to unexpressed emotions and hidden issues. I write about it in my book Emotional Fat ( www. emotionafat.com)

A friend of mine started to connect with a man recently only on a platonic level. However there was a lot of hidden agendas in the meetings. From the first day of meeting him she started to gain weight, only a 100gm a day. Three months lates she ended the connection after putting on a considerable amount of weight. Immediately her weight started to shift back to her right size. Which goes to show my point that fat is related to hidden, emotions. agendas, disappointments, fears,karma and not to food.

I picked this up on facebook and love it.

IT'S LIFE

A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"

The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way: 

"Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.

They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.

They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.

Mermaids do not exist.

But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish? 

They would have no sex life and could not bear children.

Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.

And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?

Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale.

At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.

We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.

We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.

Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! "

Do share if you care.

Don't forget to share it! :)

Hidden hunger

I recently read, of a young anorexic who although she knew she was harming herself was so happy to finally have her fathers attention.

What is the hunger we crave for?

I know as a previously fat person I was numbing my hunger for love, I was the tough one, I did not need anyone or anything at all. I still carry this imprint and maybe always will. With every mouthful I numbed out my need for love, for protection, for safety, for just being accepted. I was constantly fighting. The battle was an internal one with results that were life threatening. The constant voice of disapproval with every mouthful of food. The battle ground was one of food as the enemy. No love.

 I really need to pose this question: were did we go so wrong that the basics of life become the battle ground? That to eat normally for many is a struggle, what is happening to society that we have lost the most primal instincts? I also know that the struggle with food is a lonely path to be on. It becomes 'the friend',yet in the end this friend can and often will kill. Is this a sickness of society? Is it now time compassion comes to the table as well? That the battle fields against the self can come to peace.

More obesity than starvation on the planet

According to Forbes there are 1.5 billion people suffering from obesity whilst 925 million are undernourished. It makes one wonder on a deeper level what is going on.

It seems that for the 1.5 billion that food has become the enemy and for the 925 million the desired object.

The unhappiness that is covered up by being fat was also hidden, in my case. I was the happy camper of the party. Always joking and out there. For many obese people there are as many differing causes. In my case the less I ate the fatter I got. Now I eat 6 times a day in fact it seems I am eating all day. I do of course exercise,but it was the underlying magnet that had to shift in my case.

I have had the experience of being obese for so long, yet I was in such denial.I remember one doctor calling me obese . I was horrified and refused to see him again. The strange thing was that I had no concept of my size. I could not feel how big I was. If I saw photos they would shock me but usually I only looked at the face .My largest size was 22 / 24. Now I fit into size 12/14 jeans .

I was diabetic and hypertensive but because I could dance and move well I believed I was healthy . even though I was having diabetic slumps all day long, the level of my own deception was mind blowing.

The other noticeable thing was, when I was fat, I was surrounded by friends. A lot of them also fat. Now that I have changed as well as changing country I have far fewer friends. Although I was surrounded by friends I do believe the fat was hiding a loneliness .

And now it really is a case of my head catching up. I have thought fat all my life , now it is time to think and act slim.
I do feel a case of a walking miracle. I am off all medication ,I am no more diabetic or hypertensive.
I feel a new lease on life.

And I also have to say with the weight loss and the loss of a protective covering I am also having to face my own anger issues that had been so well hidden. The fat did serve its purpose . It did cover a lot and hid a lot. Now its the integration time.

In my book Emotional Fat both Amy and I were talking about our hidden "stuff". I think both obesity and anorexia on some levels are very lonely  paths. The food  becomes the enemy or friend.It becomes the power play. If I am "good" then I ........ fill in the blanks. In my case then my mum would love me.

I also  know that I was on a slippery slope of health and Amy also knows her health is extremely fragile. I have recovered. My hope and wish and prayer is that Amy my 26 year old cousin who is facing a life threatening journey with anorexia and bulimia can survive it

For more details of the journey check out the book
www.emotionalfat.com

Fat

Well everyone is saying it is time to start blogging. Which as an avid writer seems like the obvious thing to do.

The word fat has so many connotations and in our Western culture, not always good.
I had lived a life as a fat person and carried the stigma of it all my life. Until last year when I cracked the code of what was keeping me fat . And trust me it was not food at all. In fact I was hardly eating anything. It was tuna fish and salad,and fatter and fatter I got.

Now over 20 kilos lighter and having cured my diabetes and hypertension I feel that life it just beginning at 57 years of age,
I can dance till all hours of the morning, although in truth even fat I was still dancing. I started to dance after my divorce and that has kept me going. Athough I never lost weight dancing I loved it.

Both obesity and anorexia can kill. The differnce is that obesity is the slow killer. I recently wrote a book, Emotional Fat in which for the first time I got to see the devastation that anorexia causes,My cousin Amy bravely shares her journey of bulimia and anorexia and it is very scary.
24 million Americans suffer from some form of eating disorder.
It is so sad. Where has society gone wrong that food has become the personal enemy?
So many countries have starvation as their daily existence and the rest are body obsessed.
Advertising is certainly out there creating images that are not attainable by the average person, that we become shallow beings wanting to look like superstars and loose sight of who we are as a person.
The torment that the teenage years can cause amplified by a desire to look a certain way can actually cause death, Israel has now banned underweight models, Good on them!
Bring back healthy looking models and let the beauty of woman be seen for who she is and not a stupid size or weight.

I would be so curious as this is my first blog if anyone reads it,
My book is available through
Www.emotionalfat.com