Saying NO

And I don't mean to food.

As a previously fat person I am fully aware how I needed to please people. What with not feeling good about myself and seeking those little crumbs of affection I would be a people pleaser. Looking to satisfy others and not caring for myself.
There was an incident I remember where a friends husband was so blatantly rude to me. Most times I took the rudeness and was equally rude in my ways. This time I had the courage to say NO. No you don't speak to me like that. It was a big turning point in my life. To stand up to what was not right.

So much is swallowed as a fat person . And this I mean on an energy level. The shame , the rudeness. the disgust, the hate, the resentment. I know I learned this as a child. I write about it extensively in my book Emotional Fat.


Now my journey out of that behavior is to keep uncovering what holds onto the  old patterns.
Old patterns or learned ways keep replaying .They play from the subconscious mind which really makes it so much harder to clear it. My work has always been to uncover the hidden roots and causes of imbalances.

These imbalances can play out in many different ways. Mine was to numb myself by eating, to swallow emotions and to get fatter.

Other people can play these patterns out in different ways. A client of mine suffered from procrastination. Everything was open for a change in is life. Yet he could not move forward. All that presented were excuses.

In seeking to uncover what was holding him back was a core belief that if he succeeded his mother would not love him. This came about as she had had a shock at birth .He came into life with great qualities yet the shock was holding him back. In order for him to move forward he needed to see the shock that he was protecting his mother from. He was being kept in a state of limbo holding onto the shock , believing he was protecting his mother by holding this shock, so that she should not feel it and keeping himself trapped in this state. By using akalani (to understand it check out www.akalani.com ) he could understand that this state of limbo was to keep his mum alive, or so the child believed. As his adult brain could realize this trap he could ask that the shock be handed over to the angels and that he could then move forward.

We all have subconscious patterns running our lives. As they are released so the healing can take place

To see my book check out:

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=leeorah+hursky&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Aleeorah+hursky&ajr=0

Fat women can dance

Even when I was fat I loved to dance. I loved to wriggle that great big body of mine. Now 20 kilos lighter its a bigger joy than ever. I don't know how  I had the gumption to move that big body of mine. It was inside this deep yearning to dance. I am sure had I not been fat this life I would have been a pole dancer. Its not too late I hear you say, but wait I have found the perfect dance. I desired a dance that was sensuous that did not involve spinning.Yes I can salsa, but not like those lightweight girls who can multiple spin. Yes I have other multiple abilities it just is not spinning.
 I desired a dance that allowed my sensuality to flow , to be with a partner who was not a pole and to let it all hang out. I have found that in Kizomba. I have only had three lessons and was hooked from lesson one. Now on my about to be European tour I am thinking of having a detour ( from actual working) to go to dance in Edinburgh. 
The joy that dance brings to me an ex fat now 57 year old woman who believes she is 25 on the dance floor far outweighs any obstacles.

So if you are reading this and are fat go for it . Dance your heart out .

Dance on sisters ( and if there are any brothers reading this to you to)

Fat Attitude

At my fattest I was like a bull in a china shop. It was not as though you couldn't see me it was then even in my attitude. NOTICE ME. It was screaming from every cell of my body.

I was in your face. I was full on . I was BIG. It has taken me time to see what is my bigness and it does not have to be my ex- obese body. I am a bigger than life kind of gal ( well older woman if you must).

I do things in a big way in a fast way in a in your face way. Nothing small in my actions or being.
In one year I had 5 art exhibitions as well as writing a book- Emotional Fat.

The previous book was written over a period of time. In fact even getting the name of the last book - Naked Soul took longer than actually writing the book. Emotional Fat was written over 5 days. The editing etc took longer than the writing of the book.


When my bigness is used in creative ways it is certainly healthier on my body.  Eating chocolates is one of the ways I squash everything down. Hide it all. Numb it all.
And when I am not creating then what. It is the pause time. The pause button is on again. Hence I have the time for writing blogs.

Also being so big in action when the pause button is on there can be a time of frustration and I have to relax into it. I know the next big thing will be presenting itself and yes I will be going in full on. I still have  the bull in china shop energy just not the big body to go with it.

I get shy now if people call me thin,. I am still not at goal so still can be hard on myself. The fat head wants to berate me all the time. A lifetime of berating myself . A habit that is taking time to break. It is so destructive to be negative on myself and of course on others all the time. The voice of putting myself down constantly. The voice that came in as a child when others thought me fat. As a sensitive person I took on these thoughts as my own and of course they then eventually became my own and now it is taking time to reverse the fat thoughts. the thoughts of berating myself .  I was fat in the head before the body now my head needs to know I am thin.

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=leeorah+hursky 

Fat is not a swear word

How often has someone called one fat as an insult. It is so rude.This is what society has created. That the fat person should laugh it off. Fat people also have feelings sometimes they are so deeply  covered up. As a previously fat person I only know it too well. I constantly now have to remind myself I am a previously fat person and am now thin, as I have thought fat all my life.

For a person who has never been fat its hard to understand being fat. It was my head that was fat even before the body got fat. That the head constantly thinks fat, it is taking longer for my head to catch up that I am NOT FAT anymore. I am a slim person.


I am stil so convinced that the fat is related to unexpressed emotions and hidden issues. I write about it in my book Emotional Fat ( www. emotionafat.com)

A friend of mine started to connect with a man recently only on a platonic level. However there was a lot of hidden agendas in the meetings. From the first day of meeting him she started to gain weight, only a 100gm a day. Three months lates she ended the connection after putting on a considerable amount of weight. Immediately her weight started to shift back to her right size. Which goes to show my point that fat is related to hidden, emotions. agendas, disappointments, fears,karma and not to food.

I picked this up on facebook and love it.

IT'S LIFE

A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"

The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way: 

"Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.

They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.

They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.

Mermaids do not exist.

But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish? 

They would have no sex life and could not bear children.

Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.

And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?

Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale.

At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.

We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.

We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.

Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! "

Do share if you care.

Don't forget to share it! :)

Hidden hunger

I recently read, of a young anorexic who although she knew she was harming herself was so happy to finally have her fathers attention.

What is the hunger we crave for?

I know as a previously fat person I was numbing my hunger for love, I was the tough one, I did not need anyone or anything at all. I still carry this imprint and maybe always will. With every mouthful I numbed out my need for love, for protection, for safety, for just being accepted. I was constantly fighting. The battle was an internal one with results that were life threatening. The constant voice of disapproval with every mouthful of food. The battle ground was one of food as the enemy. No love.

 I really need to pose this question: were did we go so wrong that the basics of life become the battle ground? That to eat normally for many is a struggle, what is happening to society that we have lost the most primal instincts? I also know that the struggle with food is a lonely path to be on. It becomes 'the friend',yet in the end this friend can and often will kill. Is this a sickness of society? Is it now time compassion comes to the table as well? That the battle fields against the self can come to peace.

More obesity than starvation on the planet

According to Forbes there are 1.5 billion people suffering from obesity whilst 925 million are undernourished. It makes one wonder on a deeper level what is going on.

It seems that for the 1.5 billion that food has become the enemy and for the 925 million the desired object.

The unhappiness that is covered up by being fat was also hidden, in my case. I was the happy camper of the party. Always joking and out there. For many obese people there are as many differing causes. In my case the less I ate the fatter I got. Now I eat 6 times a day in fact it seems I am eating all day. I do of course exercise,but it was the underlying magnet that had to shift in my case.

I have had the experience of being obese for so long, yet I was in such denial.I remember one doctor calling me obese . I was horrified and refused to see him again. The strange thing was that I had no concept of my size. I could not feel how big I was. If I saw photos they would shock me but usually I only looked at the face .My largest size was 22 / 24. Now I fit into size 12/14 jeans .

I was diabetic and hypertensive but because I could dance and move well I believed I was healthy . even though I was having diabetic slumps all day long, the level of my own deception was mind blowing.

The other noticeable thing was, when I was fat, I was surrounded by friends. A lot of them also fat. Now that I have changed as well as changing country I have far fewer friends. Although I was surrounded by friends I do believe the fat was hiding a loneliness .

And now it really is a case of my head catching up. I have thought fat all my life , now it is time to think and act slim.
I do feel a case of a walking miracle. I am off all medication ,I am no more diabetic or hypertensive.
I feel a new lease on life.

And I also have to say with the weight loss and the loss of a protective covering I am also having to face my own anger issues that had been so well hidden. The fat did serve its purpose . It did cover a lot and hid a lot. Now its the integration time.

In my book Emotional Fat both Amy and I were talking about our hidden "stuff". I think both obesity and anorexia on some levels are very lonely  paths. The food  becomes the enemy or friend.It becomes the power play. If I am "good" then I ........ fill in the blanks. In my case then my mum would love me.

I also  know that I was on a slippery slope of health and Amy also knows her health is extremely fragile. I have recovered. My hope and wish and prayer is that Amy my 26 year old cousin who is facing a life threatening journey with anorexia and bulimia can survive it

For more details of the journey check out the book
www.emotionalfat.com

Fat

Well everyone is saying it is time to start blogging. Which as an avid writer seems like the obvious thing to do.

The word fat has so many connotations and in our Western culture, not always good.
I had lived a life as a fat person and carried the stigma of it all my life. Until last year when I cracked the code of what was keeping me fat . And trust me it was not food at all. In fact I was hardly eating anything. It was tuna fish and salad,and fatter and fatter I got.

Now over 20 kilos lighter and having cured my diabetes and hypertension I feel that life it just beginning at 57 years of age,
I can dance till all hours of the morning, although in truth even fat I was still dancing. I started to dance after my divorce and that has kept me going. Athough I never lost weight dancing I loved it.

Both obesity and anorexia can kill. The differnce is that obesity is the slow killer. I recently wrote a book, Emotional Fat in which for the first time I got to see the devastation that anorexia causes,My cousin Amy bravely shares her journey of bulimia and anorexia and it is very scary.
24 million Americans suffer from some form of eating disorder.
It is so sad. Where has society gone wrong that food has become the personal enemy?
So many countries have starvation as their daily existence and the rest are body obsessed.
Advertising is certainly out there creating images that are not attainable by the average person, that we become shallow beings wanting to look like superstars and loose sight of who we are as a person.
The torment that the teenage years can cause amplified by a desire to look a certain way can actually cause death, Israel has now banned underweight models, Good on them!
Bring back healthy looking models and let the beauty of woman be seen for who she is and not a stupid size or weight.

I would be so curious as this is my first blog if anyone reads it,
My book is available through
Www.emotionalfat.com