Fat Attitude

At my fattest I was like a bull in a china shop. It was not as though you couldn't see me it was then even in my attitude. NOTICE ME. It was screaming from every cell of my body.

I was in your face. I was full on . I was BIG. It has taken me time to see what is my bigness and it does not have to be my ex- obese body. I am a bigger than life kind of gal ( well older woman if you must).

I do things in a big way in a fast way in a in your face way. Nothing small in my actions or being.
In one year I had 5 art exhibitions as well as writing a book- Emotional Fat.

The previous book was written over a period of time. In fact even getting the name of the last book - Naked Soul took longer than actually writing the book. Emotional Fat was written over 5 days. The editing etc took longer than the writing of the book.


When my bigness is used in creative ways it is certainly healthier on my body.  Eating chocolates is one of the ways I squash everything down. Hide it all. Numb it all.
And when I am not creating then what. It is the pause time. The pause button is on again. Hence I have the time for writing blogs.

Also being so big in action when the pause button is on there can be a time of frustration and I have to relax into it. I know the next big thing will be presenting itself and yes I will be going in full on. I still have  the bull in china shop energy just not the big body to go with it.

I get shy now if people call me thin,. I am still not at goal so still can be hard on myself. The fat head wants to berate me all the time. A lifetime of berating myself . A habit that is taking time to break. It is so destructive to be negative on myself and of course on others all the time. The voice of putting myself down constantly. The voice that came in as a child when others thought me fat. As a sensitive person I took on these thoughts as my own and of course they then eventually became my own and now it is taking time to reverse the fat thoughts. the thoughts of berating myself .  I was fat in the head before the body now my head needs to know I am thin.

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=leeorah+hursky