The fat head persists. It is scary as I am no longer fat but the thoughts have been fat for so long. . The fat head is the final ending of a lifetime of being fat.
Fat has been my armadello outift the thorns of a hedgehog the spikes to keep people away. Even though I am a highly sociable person there is still a wall to intimacy of the true kind . Where my heart is touched, where the vulnerable me can exist. That part was hidden behind the shield. It is as this shield falls away I get to see more of my own vulnerability. Not anymore the big fat woman who jokes all the time. It is a time of getting to know myself anew.
Wonderful and scary at the same time.
Wonderful as in the fact that what I used to swallow energetically is now NO more. I do not need to swallow peoples bagagge to make them feel good.
And as I become a thin person I notice that old friends are falling away. Was I their fat friend to make them feel good. It doesnt work anymore
.Have you noticed how fat people tend to stick together. I was there too.
I was starving myself fat. And that starvation could also been seen on an intimate level. Although there were people close it was the true intimacy that was missing.NowI am feeding myself thin. And in doing so I hope that the ability for true intimacy awakens as well.
I also know many fat people are in the same position . On an energetic and emotional level receiving crumbs yet craving true love.
For more of emotional bagagge and feeding youreself thin see my book
www.emotionalfat.com
